We are Benjamin Caldwellall sexual beings. But we’re not all treated the same. 

One in four adults in the U.S. lives with a disability, yet for many their sexual education needs have been overlooked, leaving them vulnerable to abuse, risky sexual behaviors and loneliness. Whether you are living with a disability or love someone who is, this gap needs to close to promote sexual equality.

As sex education loses funding and becomes more restricted in scope and access, individuals with disabilities are often left out of even the most basic programs. Only five states mandate inclusive sex education for people with disabilities, and two of those are optional, while 36 states don't mention sex education for special needs at all. This lack of inclusion leaves individuals with disabilities to rely on parents and media for information, which is often incomplete, inaccurate or absent altogether.

What we often get wrong about sex and people with disabilities

This lack of education has fostered misconceptions and barriers surrounding sex and disability. Here are the biggest things to understand:

• People with disabilities are just like the rest of us when it comes to sex: Most people with disabilities are not asexual nor are they hypersexual with uncontrollable urges. Limiting their experiences minimizes their potential for self-exploration and sexual wellbeing.
• Consent is as important as ever: Disempowering individuals with disabilities to assert their needs and desires makes them vulnerable to sexual assault and unhealthy relationships.
• For many, infantilization never ends: Guardians and support networks often treat people with disabilities as perpetual children, avoiding discussions about sex and relationships. This leaves them without a safe space to learn and explore their sexuality.
• They may deal with their reproductive rights being denied: People with disabilities deserve education on their reproductive rights and access to quality healthcare.
• Sexual dysfunction is often assumed to be a result of an individual's disability. This assumption discourages people with disabilities from seeking support and receiving effective treatments.
• There's a fear of liability when it comes to sex-ed: Fear of liability prevents many teachers and healthcare providers from addressing sexual well-being and healthy exploration.
• Some outsiders pass judgement on who should be in relationships: Intimacy between two people with disabilities is not abnormal, and able-bodied individuals in relationships with people with disabilities are not settling or taking advantage.

These barriers to sexuality have serious consequences. Children with disabilities are four times more likely to experience sexual assault than their peers, increasing to seven times more likely as adults.  Between 40% to 70% of girls with disabilities and up to 30% of boys experience sexual assault before the age of 18.  Women with disabilities are more than twice as likely to contract sexually transmitted diseases than their peers. Loneliness and mental distress are much more prevalent among adults with disabilities due to social isolation and stigma around dating and relationships.

Sex and disability are still taboo.What are we so afraid of?

How can we promote sexual equality for people with disabilities?

Here are some steps to promote sexual equality:

• Advocate for inclusive sex education. Support policies and funding that expand inclusive sex education and provide evidence-based training for teachers and providers.
• Build trust with disability communities. Sex educators, teachers and healthcare providers should collaborate with community members on policy change and involve people with disabilities in decision-making roles.
• Ask rather than assume. People with disabilities should ask for support around sexual concerns and healthcare providers need to assess sexual wellbeing with all patients.  
• Expand conversations around sex and disability. Normalize sexual equality by including stories about sex and relationships among people with disabilities in discussions.
• Challenge myths.  Change the narrative around sex and disability by challenging stereotypes and promoting a safe and inclusive environment.

Promoting sexual equality for people with disabilities is essential for their overall wellbeing and happiness. By breaking down barriers and having open conversations, we can create a more inclusive and supportive society for everyone.

Catalina Lawsin, PhD is a licensed psychologist who has been supporting sex and relationships for the past 23 years as a professor, researcher, and clinician amongst individuals affected by cancer and sexless relationships. Catalina offers support in her private practice, group programs, and public talks. You can connect with Catalina @TheIntimacyDoc on TikTok, IG or www.TheIntimacyDoc.com.

Important:For disability community, dating comes with unique challenges